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What is it?

Deliberate self-harm is a term used when someone intentionally injures or harms themselves. Common examples include ‘overdosing’ (self-poisoning), hitting, cutting or burning yourself, pulling hair or picking skin, and self-strangulation. It can also include taking illegal drugs and excessive amounts of alcohol. Self-harm is always a sign of something being seriously wrong.

We all self-harm although not necessarily in conscious and direct ways. We may smoke, drink or have some form of eating distress or we find many ways to distract ourselves from feeling. Hard physical or intellectual work can use up lengthy periods – anything rather than finding ourselves alone with our thoughts and feelings. How often have you driven too fast when you’re angry, or eaten lots of chocolate to make yourself feel better? – these are all forms of self harm, and for someone to deliberately harm themselves is merely the next stage up from this.

One acclaimed scientist said:

“The assumption is that the alternative to self-injury is "acting normally," but on the contrary . . . the alternative to self-injury is total loss of control and possibly suicide. It becomes a forced choice from among limited options.”

How common is it?

It’s hard to say exactly, because most people keep their self-harm very private. Some say as many as 1 teenager in 10 could be affected. Think about that – if you have a Guide Unit of 30 children, statistically three of them will have practised serious self harm. It is much more common than society generally believes, and far more common than suicide.

It can happen once, or many times. Some people hurt themselves just once or twice. Other people use self-harm to cope over a long time. They might hurt themselves quite often during a bad patch. 

Why do people do it?

Self harm is a way to get relief from the overwhelming pain/fear/anxiety in a persons life. Sometimes people harm themselves because they want to die. But more often it’s more about staying alive. People may hurt themselves to help them get through a bad time. It’s a way to cope. Self-harm provides the means to survive overwhelming emotions – a way to control feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. This is actually quite different from seeking annihilation.

Other possible motivations for self injurious behaviour include

• Escape from emptiness, depression, and feelings of unreality, or to get away from numbness - many of those who self-injure say they do it in order to feel something, to know that they're still alive.
• Relieving anger - many self-injurers have enormous amounts of rage within. Afraid to express it outwardly, they injure themselves as a way of venting these feelings 
• Preventing something worse from happening, including suicide
• Expressing emotional pain they feel they cannot bear
• Communicating to others the extent of their inner turmoil, or their need for support
• Validating their emotional pain -- the wounds can serve as evidence that those feelings are real
• Punishing themselves for being "bad"
• Diverting attention (inner or outer) from issues that are too painful to examine

Who does it?

Young people who are depressed or have an eating disorder are at risk. So are people who take illegal drugs or excessive amounts of alcohol. The commonest trigger is an argument with a parent or close friend. When family life involves a lot of abuse, neglect or rejection, people are also more likely to harm themselves.

Other information

• It doesn’t mean the person is ‘off their head’. All sorts of people self-harm. Even people in high-powered jobs. It’s a sign that something is bothering and upsetting them, not that they are mad. 
• The prospect of giving it up may be unthinkable, which makes sense; a person may not realize that self-harm isn't the only or even best coping method around.
• Many people stop self-harming - when they’re ready. They sort their problems out and find other ways of dealing with their feelings. It might take a long time and they might need help. But things can get better. 

What can you do to help?

If someone opens up to you who is self harming it is important not to try to stop them. They are doing it for a reason, and to tell them it is wrong may well simply stop them from opening up any further, which can be more dangerous, as you can then not monitor what they are doing.

If you see self injurious marks  on someone and are suspicious it is inadvisable to ask them straight what they are, as this may provoke a defensive reaction. It is probably better to ask them if there is anything wrong in general – if indeed you need to ask at all. Make sure you are available if they want to talk to you on the side in a meeting, and take it from there. If the person wants help, they may well be looking for someone who can be understanding towards them – it may be best to let them come to you rather than you going to them and rushing them.

Also bear in mind that if you do see marks on somebody they may be genuine accidents, so to ask the person if they did them on purpose could shock them.

If you have any doubts or questions about self injury, a good course of action is always to ring a confidential help line. (See Help! for more details).

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Although we have attempted to gather the information provided here from reputable sources, we cannot guarantee the accuracy of the content. In particular please note that the information is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice. If any of the content of this site causes you concerns please seek further advice.